Guarding Against Disinterest

A few days have passed since my last post. Therefore, we might ought to talk about one of the symptoms of PTSD and depression; a general lack of interest in pretty much everything. Of course, this is most noticeable in those activities that we enjoyed prior to the disinterest setting in like a cloud of gray, stifling fog. I enjoy writing, but suddenly I don't have any wind in my writing sails. A few days may pass before I realize that another foggy doldrums has arrived. Other activities may mask the lack of interest in what was a primary activity. Perhaps you love watching football games, but after a couple of weekends doing something else you realize that on the third weekend football games seem boring. You just cannot bring yourself to watch another football game, it seems like, ever again.

A change of this type may be a cause for rejoicing in a spouse, we won't say which one, but it is something we as PTSD sufferers must stand guard over. One of the first signs of full-blown depression is a lack of interest.

Now, the usual answer is that I must try the activity, to somehow force myself to be interested in what I have no desire to perform, or watch, or whatever. This comes from that old immersion therapy thing. If someone is afraid of water, the practitioner of this form of witchcraft takes the victim and tosses him into a pool of water, or hands him over to the CIA for a little waterboarding, or has him watch reruns of Waterworld, or some other torture. The final extension of this theory is that we can completely cure water phobias by drowning the phobiacs. As the corpse settles to the bottom of the river, the therapist shouts out his success at curing the malady, forever and permanently. When I have no interest in writing, staring at the computer screen for hours on end does not cure the problem, it only makes me more keenly aware of my shortcomings in fixing it. Which, makes me more depressed and causes even less interest in the activity, and so on.

Strangely perhaps, I think the best way to regain my interest and avoid the depression is to not force myself to write, for example, but to find things or activities that do interest me until the interest in writing revives. I don't have control over the when or how, at least not that I have observed, but trying to write more when I don't want to write at all does not seem to be the answer. In the football example, one may have to record several weekends of games until the interest returns. During the weekends off, take a shot at distraction much like we do for the anxiety attacks. Get away from the monitor, read a book at random, do something selfless, talk to a wall for a while, or talk to a cat (it's pretty much the same thing). Take a wild step and talk to God, that is, to pray. You might get an answer!

Bucky, your friend in post-traumatic distress