Blam, Blam, Blam, Veteran Goes Off

Maybe not one of my better titles, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Another shooting incident, rampage, or mass murder has occurred, depending upon your political views and how you want to color it. A veteran took up a firearm and killed people for no apparent reason at the Washington Navy Yard. A location made at least a little bit famous by the show NCIS. I'm a fan of the Veteran's Administration (VA) medical care, but I don't particularly like their press release. The VA released a circle-the-wagons and hide-the-bureaucrats sort of statement that we, I believe, are fully justified in hating. "According to VA records, he[Alexis] never sought an appointment from a mental health specialist." Uh, does one just get up one morning and realize that mental illness has arrived like the flu?

In speaking with a sister I had not seen in many years, I found out that she has suffered two major bouts of depression. I was curious to know how she was first diagnosed, and found similarities with my own experience. At least from two examples the answer is: No, a person does not just get up one morning knowing that mental illness has arrived like a flu bug. Try calling Human Resources or a boss and using that excuse. "Sorry, I can't come in today. Mental illness is going 'round the family this morning. Two kids have come down with it and I'm pretty sure I have too." On the other hand, we have a fear.

This fear is brought on by some old Hollywood movies, more than a few B or C level movies, and the occasional novel (maybe more than occasional). In this scenario, a man or woman (more women in the C movies) arrive at some grim hospital and are given some sort of mental health examination. In the baser movies, the examinees are typically young and attractive women and the examination involves removal of clothing, apparently to check for some sort of mental illness tattoo in private places. The character is diagnosed with a mental illness and locked up forever in the Devil's Hospital for the Persecution of the Lead Character. Unfortunately, there is an historical basis for this sort of novel plot or movie script. Some hospitals and institutions for those judged insane or mentally ill in the past were true horrors, and thus we have this fear.

How do we fix the conflict between the stigma of seeking help for a mental illness, the fear brought on by the old stories, our desire to have a firm diagnosis and get well, bureaucratic blame avoidance techniques, and a citizen's protection from unreasonable search and seizure? From all of that, I can hypothesize without too much fear of disproval that there will not be an easy answer.

For veterans and the VA it is unfortunate that we have another story of a veteran going off to live down. For the VA bureaucracy, they will spend some time doing the bureaucratic blame/spin/avoidance game for a while. For Congress, they can form a committee and call in the VA chief to ask for his top or bottom end as a sacrifice. For all of us, we have many victim's families to pray for and comfort as best we can. Mr. Alexis' mother had perhaps the best reaction, in contrast to the VA bureaucracy, she apologized to the victim's families right away and noted sadly that she could not ask her son, "Why?" Many of us I think can sympathize with that last question. We have done the same in many other shooting incidents. As of yet, no definitive answer is forthcoming.

Due to the stigma or the fear, Mr. Alexis did not know to seek help for mental illness or was afraid of being locked up for it. He may have been ignorant of his condition since to diagnose ones mental illness with the very mental organ that is ill is difficult at best. I sought help from God in prayer. He responded with a piece of an advertisement in my home that said in large, red print, "Get Help!" I got the message and took a mental health status questionnaire into my family doctor. Others have sought opinions from close friends. Very close friends and in private, since mental health questions are not generally received with less than absolute mirth and hilarity in an office or locker room setting. If you broach the question at a party, try to do it after several drinks and use a big, goofy smile. Dr. Phil is another option, but not everyone gets an all-expense paid trip out to New York to meet with him.

Walking up to the VA clinic or a mental health clinic to ask for a mental health evaluation still bears a stigma. Those of us with some experience have worked to eliminate or mitigate it. Shame from those with no understanding (and complete ignorance) does not help those in need to seek out the appropriate help. Be alert for those who might approach you with a quiet, "Can you help me..." Accompany someone to the mental health clinic or professional. If you have overcome the stigma, tell everyone else the visit is for you and the person in need is helping you out. Yes, it is a lie, but imagine that person failing to get help and 'going off' as Mr. Alexis did on Monday.

Love your neighbor as you love yourself, Bucky

I Want to Pay Taxes Again!

Now that's just crazy talk. If any more proof of my mental illness were needed, that title should provide all that is necessary. I stand by my statement. I want to pay taxes again. First, you may need to try going without a tax burden for a while, as I have, to experience what it is like living on the ragged edge of financial disaster. In 2012, I paid with my final credit card the outstanding tax due on my January 2011 401k withdrawal. We complain about our amount of taxes more than actually paying them in America, and a final 401k withdrawal is a good way to realize what is meant by tax burden. I owed no income taxes for 2012 or thus far in 2013, because I have no income. Before 2013 comes to a close in a little over 3 months, I have decided that paying income tax is a better way to go than earning so little (or none at all) that I do not have to pay. This is not a purely financial decision.

The Social Security system is supposed to be a good investment. The removal of the investment amount from the paycheck without asking is a different matter, and I'll leave that debate alone for this blog. However, we pay income tax to purchase government services, including helping those who through unfortunate circumstances cannot pay their own way for a time. We pool our tax money and the government provides defense forces, judicial systems, regulatory authorities and a myriad (it seems) of other stuff we may need. The government also sometimes adventures overseas in various ways and pays off the occasional dictator, but that too can be set aside for now. I served as a part of those defense forces, and in a couple of those military adventures. However, I did not in the four years of my service expect that was nearly enough for a free ride for the remainder of my little life. Medical care, sure, especially if they poisoned me through the drinking water on Camp Lejeune, but a free ride, no, I want to pay taxes again.

Taxes can sound like a dirty subject in our popular repartee. We do not want to hear about paying more taxes, and sometimes we think it would be nice to not have to pay them. I am guilty of that last bit, and I got the chance to experience life without paying. No income = no income tax is not an equation a person wants to find himself living, please take it from me. Paying taxes keeps roads under the truck tires, prevents enemies from overrunning our nation, and allows the printing of a truly prodigious Code of Federal Regulations. What would we do without our dear government? Some folks have an answer to that, but I choose to get back in the system and help out in my small way. Easy words, how do I translate them to action?

PTSD limits my access to some jobs. The job of emergency services in most places involves responding to many auto accidents. This service includes EMTs, police, fire and rescue, dispatchers, and hospital medical staff. Serving in any of those capacities might not be a good idea for me. A person in dire need of medical attention from a car accident does not want to hear his first responder ask for a timeout to deal with PTSD symptoms. I can understand that. Such a thing may not happen, but why take a chance with a person's pain or life? Cross some jobs off my list. Check. Other jobs may require too much hypocrisy. Cold calling, or what is known as outbound telemarketing is not for me. Any job where I feel trapped by the situation may trigger ol' Petey. Basement offices, windowless cubicles, a shift job where I cannot leave, all may trigger the symptoms of uncontrolled anxiety. Of course, schools or restaurants with their noise and racket probably won't work for me. But, still, I want to pay taxes again.

All that and there are still jobs for me. Just need to find one in the remote wilderness of Colorado. I may indeed be a proven nut, but bring on the income tax, I'm tired of living poor!

Bucky